VALENTINES DAY

Valentines Day...Last year I remember thinking what this year would be like thinking my hubby may not be around but THANK GOD he is! As usual, he bought me flowers. He brought them home on Friday. I went to pick up the kids at school, and when we got home he had already arrived from work and I noticed 3 little pots, 1 on the dining table, 1 in the living room and 1 on the "breakfast nook"!!! He's so sweet. Anyways, I knew he hadn't made any reservations anywhere so I made them! I thought I would surprise him...I called a few days earlier and made reservations at Park Ave. Henry and I went there around August 2008. I remember the kids had gone to Disneyland with my sister Jolene and her Gerric. I remember Henry and I went to make the final payment for Bianca's 15ra mass. We ran a few other errands and since it was just the 2 of us, we decided to go to Park Ave. We had the most delicious steak dinner. I remember at that time, Henry had his famous "cadillac" cocktail and I had a lemon drop. He told me we would return again, so I decided to make the reservations there. This time, we took our kids and I also invited my parents. My dad is not much of a going out person so he decided to stay home but my mom accepted my invitation (actually I kinda forced her)! Reservations were for 4:30 p.m. I took my camera with me but dumb me forgot to take pictures!!! Overall, it was a lovely Valentines' Day...each day is a gift for us (sigh)



Henry has an MRI on 3/4/09 and already the butterflies are starting in my stomach. I follow other brain tumor sites and unfortunately, this year I've known of at least 7 deaths due to this damn disease called "CANCER" and specifically "brain cancer". Who the hell would of thought you can get cancer in the brain??? I never imagined it, I never thought it would come to my family...



On my way home is when I think more about this journey, about the fight my husband has to put up. I ALWAYS wonder what he feels, is he scared although he says he's not scared to die...I am and I'm scared of being alone, of not having someone to love, someone to love me, to take care of me! I know I have my kids but we all need someone to love.



Last Sunday, we went to church and everytime we goI always give thanks for the past week and ask for a good new week. Anyways, my mind is always wondering and at that instant, the vision of Henry being in a hospital bed, his head bandaged up, the radiation burns he had on his head and the silence we had at home, it CHOKED me up and SCARED me. I asked God to please not put us there again. I don't want to repeat that again. Of course, if the tumor needs to be resected, then of course do it but just the thought scares me. The 1st time, I wasn't prepared but this time, I know what to expect. I ALWAYS think that the dr's made a mistake and got the MRI's mixed up with someone else...



February is almost gone. Lent starts next week...must remember not to eat meat on Fridays.

Until next time...

Emma
Hope, Faith and Love!

Another day...

Thank God it's Wednesday today. I have had such a horrible week. I have been feeling EXHAUSTED and honestly, I have not been as productive at work as I should. My boss is on vacation this week so I had planned on doing alot of catching up and also, Maria my co-worker and supervisor, had planned on getting this office organized and throwing away alot of old files but we haven't attacked that yet. Hopefully, we will get to it later today or tomorrow.

My life changed almost 2 years ago when death came to our family. Soon after my nephew was born sleeping, my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer. I have lived with that nightmare for almost 2 years now. If you are in remission or not, cancer is always there and will forever be a part of your life. I don't wish this on anyone. I have not been the same person I was. I was always one to worry about something but I NEVER imagined this. Everyday, I wake up to "cancer" and go to bed thinking "cancer".

When I am alone driving to and from work is when I start to imagine...very lonely, very sad and very scary. I try not to think of the future and take it "one day at a time" but it is very hard. I imagine not having my husband and it is so very sad. I often think that I will fall into a deep depression. Fortunately, I have 2 beautiful kids that I have to keep me going. I know it is hard for them too as they spend most of their days with Henry after school.

Last year, on Valentines day, I came home to find roses on my dining table that my husband bought me. He always buys me flowers and I remember thinking, what if I don't get my roses next year...maybe I won't but I know I will have him and that's the best gift:)

Have a wonderful Valentines Day everyone. Remember to love everyday for we don't know what tomorrow brings!!!

Hope, Faith & Love
Emma :)

Rainy Weekend

This was a very nice weekend. I stayed home Saturday with Andrew and Henry. Bianca went to a retreat with the church as she is preparing for Confirmation in May. We dropped her off at 8:15 am. at St. Justin Martyr Catholic Church and then we went to the healing mass at 8:30 a.m. My husband is battling brain cancer and we try to go to the healing mass as often as we can. The service is only on the 1st Saturday of every month so if he doesn't go to work, we go to the healing mass. Usually Bianca and Andrew stay home but since Bianca wasn't going to be home, we couldn't leave Andrew at home by himself. The healing mass is always very nice. It reminds me of when people would go to Jesus for healing.

As Henry got in line to receive the annointing of the oil, I noticed that Andrew had his head down and looked sad. I asked him what was wrong and he told me "Imagine if daddy would of never been diagnosed with a brain tumor, he wouldn't have to take chemo" and then I told him "and we wouldn't be at the healing mass". I hugged my little boy and as he looked at me, I saw a tear on the side of his cheek. I of course choked up and couldn't fight back my tears. He says he wants to be a Neurosurgeon when he grows up and that he will find a cure for cancer! I hope they find the cure sooner before he does but if not, then I hope he will.

We went to Starbucks after the healing mass and then came home. I took a nap and then prepared dinner. Since Bianca would be having mass tonight at the retreat, we decided to go to mass Saturday evening so that we didn't have to rush Sunday morning. After mass we went to 31 Flavors. Henry thought it was too cold for ice cream but Andrew wanted some and while we were there, Henry got ice cream too! Went home and relaxed a little then I went to pick up Bianca at church since they were due back at 8:30 p.m. As I saw the bus pulling in the parking lot, I got teary eyed and gave Thanks to God for bringing her home safely to us.

Sunday, got up and went to have breakfast at Denny's. We hadn't been there for awhile. We then proceeded home and we will just relax and be couch potatoes for the remainder of the day! Tonight is Henry's last night of taking chemo (for this month). He always feels very tired the first 2 days but then he gets alot of rest on the weekends. He's been taking chemo for ALMOST 2 years and I can tell that it wears him down. I see him so tired, I see him looking older, it's just very sad to see him like that, but then he perks up and things are back to "normal" again. He told me yesterday that he has to remain strong and positive because sometimes he sees me cry and he says that if he does what I do, then he will fall into a depression and he cannot do that. His mom died of cancer almost 17 years ago in April. He knows what it can do. There are so many people dying because of this horrible disease. I hope there is a cure soon!

I hope you read my blogs and look forward to meeting new people and making friends.

Have a great week everyone!

Remember, Hope, Faith, and Love!!!